Friday 26 February 2016

The Chain Link Fence (Perception)

My thoughts behind this latest Chain Link Fence themed art work are based on perception.  As with my other Chain Link Fence works, the subject of bullying is central however rather than simply looking at bullying done to me (or to anyone) I look at the part played by the victim of bullying in the process of being bullied.  Generally people have perceptions about other people, situations, places or events.  Often the perception is biased and based on previous experiences that a person may have had in their life such as perceiving hot spicy food to be good because it is something that the person grew up with and therefore familiar with.  I suppose perceptions can also get mixed up with prejudice (to prejudge without knowing the person).  Prejudice is based on past experience in a similar way to perception.  The difference with perception is that although it comes from past life experiences, it is a unique individual way of looking at life which may differ from another individual.  I have perceived a situation to be more positive than it was or even to let my wishful thinking get in the way of seeing reality.  At one place of work I sensed the under hand bullying that I was subject to (being told not to go for a promotion because someone else was meant for it, told that there had never been anyone in the department like me before in a critical way and so on).  There was enough said for a feeling of discomfort and sense that this was wrong, yet my perception or wishful thinking kept over riding my gut feeling that some thing was wrong.  I hoped that things would get better over time and basically allowed an overly positive perception of how my situation in this work place could improve over time.  Things had got better over time in the past, why not now?  This led to 7 years of workplace bullying that progressively worsened and only stopped when I left.  Perception is a good thing as long as you are honest with yourself, however ignoring reality is dangerous for anyone. Socrates the late 5th century BC philosopher described the man who believes he knows the most actually knows the least and the man who says he knows the least is the wisest of men. 

The Chain Link Fence (Perception), pen drawing and gouache painting, A2 (2016)


This drawing/painting uses the Chain Link Fence as a back drop.  I suppose different people will perceive different things in the drawing/painting.

Friday 5 February 2016

Next To The Chain Link Fence

This piece is the latest of my 'Chain Link' pictures.  My last drawing from this theme of bullying was 'In Front Of The Chain Link Fence'.  My discussions centred around the merciless bullying that I suffered from when I was a child and the chain link fence that I was bounced off by my bullies.  The school that I attended after I left Longsight was located in Northenden.  I suffered less from bullying at this school (except at the end just before I left).  The next challenge was starting secondary school at the age of 11.  Bullying was everywhere, the bus stop were I stood waiting for the bus to school, the way into school, lunch time, going home and so on.  Autism wasn't as well understood as it is now and high functioning autism was understood even less.  The whole experience of starting a new school in a new area (we moved from Northenden to West Didsbury so I could attend my secondary school), not knowing anybody at my new school, new routines, new everything.  It was very overwhelming, although I did not show it and did not communicate my feelings to anyone.  I've been called stoical by people in the past because I hide my real feelings and look calm when in reality I am struggling with everything.  I avoid asking for help and have always done that throughout my life.
 

Next To The Chain Link Fence, pen drawing and gouache painting, A2 (2016)

My escape from the turmoil of starting a new school and not knowing anyone was to retreat to my gran's house from Friday night until Sunday night.  I could forget about bullies, school, new routines etc until I went back home on Sunday. 

I've wondered sometimes whether people just know you are different by looking at you or whether it comes after you start to speak.  November 1986 I stood waiting for my bus to school in the morning.  A girl from another school would walk past each morning and call me names or laugh at me.  I don't know how she could tell that I was a good candidate for singling out, however I think bullies must have a sixth sense for it.  After several weeks of name calling and other objectionable behaviour she spent one morning gathering a large crowd of friends near the bus stop that I was stood at.  When she felt she had enough 'support' she came over to me and without warning punched me in the face.  I was pretty devastated (and late for school).  I think that day changed my response to bullies, which became a lot more proactive, although it didn't stop them trying to bully. I've talked to other autistic people and their experience of school is the same.  My hope is that when my daughter begins secondary school there will be the support necessary for her.