The Maze Garden

The Maze Gardens were in reality the Walkden Gardens in Sale.  We called them the Maze Gardens because they are arranged into compartments in a maze like way.  When we first discovered them in 1995 it was a surprise because nobody advertised them, there wasn't any clear sign outside telling the passing public that there were gardens behind the hedge (and very nice interesting gardens too!).  I've lived around the Sale/Altrincham area most of my life so to not realise that these gardens were on my doorstep most of my life without realising was a surprise.  It seemed most people in the area were as ignorant as us.  Since 1995 things have changed at Walkden Gardens.  There is a friends group, regular fun day events and more money invested in their up keep.  I hope that the Tory cutbacks don't affect these lovely gardens.  Even today, although the gardens are now much better advertised, one can go there without seeing anyone else.  They are a nice retreat in a busy area.

The Maze Garden, fine line pen and coloured pencil drawing, A5 (2015)

September 2009

I've called this piece September 2009 simply because in that month I spent a lot of time in Walkden Gardens in Sale enjoying life properly for the first time in a long time.  I had quit teaching the month before after a long argument with the authority that paid my salary as a teacher.  I won't go into details however in part my bad back and autism had their part to play in my departure from teaching.  I was glad to go and don't regret a thing although at the time it meant a lot of financial uncertainty.  I had hated September when I was teaching because I always felt that I was putting myself away again after the 6 weeks holiday where the real me could exist.  I was depressed in those days and it is even more clear how down I was when I reflect back to that time now.  September 2009 was thoroughly enjoyable.  The sun was shining (literally), my back was a lot better and I could walk again and there was no teaching!  I could just take everything in and enjoy it instead of having feelings of anxiety/dread/needing to be at home planning and marking etc.  I don't think teaching is a bad career, although it is stressful for anyone.  I do think that teaching is intolerable if it's in the wrong school or environment.  That September was like the first experience of freedom after being incarcerated for so long.

This picture is the first in a number of postcard size pieces that I am planning on exhibiting in the near future.

September 2009, fine line pen and coloured pencil drawing, A5 (2015)



The Changing Of The Seasons

I like autumn with the colours, fog (yes I like fog) and the changeable weather.  I hate it when it rains for days or weeks on end, it gives me SAD (seasonal affective disorder).  A mix of weather is ok though, although the best weather towards the end of autumn/winter in my view are the sunny frosty days.  These are the days where the mud freezes over so that I can do more walking down the footpaths near where I live without the mess of the mud.  The warm autumn this year has kept the leaves on the trees longer than normal therefore the colours have lasted longer as well.  Here is one of the trees that I have walked past on one of my walks. 

The Changing Of The Seasons, fine line pen, gouache and coloured pencil on paper, A2 (2015)

Winter Tree

This is another one of my tree studies.  We are reaching that part of the year where there will be plenty of these trees to look at (and enjoy).  I like the patterns that appear when you spend long enough looking at them.  Winter can be a dreary and cold time but if you want to see beauty, it is there if you take the time to stop what you are doing and pay attention to what is around you. 

I find it ironic that people accuse high functioning autistic people such as myself as lacking awareness of other people yet lots of so called normal people tend to have a lack of awareness of their environment and often also a lack of awareness of other people too.  How many times do I see people walking around with music headphones on their ears while also texting on their mobile phone paying no attention to anything but their music and the conversation/video/social network website that is on their phone.  At least it's just one aspect I struggle with (understanding other people).  I spend more time observing my environment and taking it in.  I have pointed out things to other people such as the design of buildings, unusual plants or whatever and they are often quite surprised that these things are there because they haven't noticed them.  I also have in the past mentioned sounds that I hear that 'normal' people don't hear or, if they do hear the same sounds, they find them quiet whereas I find them loud.  Maybe my lack of attention to people means I have more time to pay attention to my environment while 'normal' people spend so much time focussed on other people there is no space left for other things. 

Winter Tree, oil painting on canvas, 40inches x 30inches (2015)

Abstract leaves

This is another fine line drawing combined with gouache.  I chose this subject because I haven't produced much work which focusses just on leaves and flowers for quite a long time.  I thought it would be interesting to see how my work has changed since I last looked at botanical inspired art work.  I have included my drawing 'Flower' that dates from earlier in 2012 to compare with.

Abstract leaves, fine line pen and gouace, A3 2015

Flowers, charcoal drawing, A3 2012

Behind the Chain Link Fence

At the end of 2014 I drew a picture that I called In Front of the Chain Link Fence.  It represents some of the feelings that I have about bullies and bullying, having experienced them throughout my life.  Behind the Chain Link Fence continues the theme that explores the issues that being 'different' attracts bullies.  I experience less bullying these days simply because I don't have much to do with people in general.  I had an issue professionally this year due to the communication difficulties that arise from autism.  Autism is a spectrum.  Some people don't speak, some speak a bit and some seem to be more 'normal',  The people that fall into the 'more normal' category have a difficult time because they seem at first to be 'normal' therefore the expectation off other people is that they can perform socially as well as anyone else.  It doesn't take long for most people to intuitively know that you are odd, different etc even if they aren't sure what it is about you that is unusual.  Quite often people interpret  someone with 'high functioning' autism as rude, not making an effort, aloof, disinterested and generally a nasty person.  To the autistic person this interpretation of their character is upsetting (we don't go out of our way to offend people) and worse, some of the unspoken social rules are a mystery to us so trying to fix whatever offence has been caused is out of reach.  All of this is frustrating. 

Behind the Chain Link Fence, pen drawing and gouache, A3

This  piece continues with the abstract style that is seen in my earlier drawing.  The fence is bent after years of plants and trees growing through and around it.  I think with this drawing, the fence is a representation of the mental barrier that I have put up throughout my life.  When I was a kid I spent most of my time in another place in my head which helped me get through the day.  It helped when the kids at primary school used to bounce me off the chain link fence in the school playground, punching me, taking turns to spit on me, kick me and call me names.  The kids in my class who were onlookers would tell me to cry and then the bullies would leave me alone.  Instead, I did not cry for them.  I looked at them with a stony face even when they punched me as hard as they could in my stomach.  They would do this on a regular basis when I was an infant (about 6 or 7 years old).  They were about 2-3 years older than me.   I would go back to my child minder's house after school.  Her older son who was about 12 at the time would pin me down in an armchair and lean over me with his knees either side of me and shove me in the chest.  Gradually he would move his face nearer to mine until it was touching.  I was scared that he would head butt me or spit on me (the spitting did happen).  I could go on.  Such is the life of many autistic people unfortunately.

Another aspect of autism I always thought hadn't affected me is facial recognition.  I've done the online tests which ask whether a person is happy or sad based on how their face looks.  I find that easy and pass these tests with no trouble.  These tests are not true to life.  Basically my problem is that I keep finding situations where people see me and start smiling and waving at me as though I should know them.  This happened last week at a hair dressing salon.  A lady sees me in there, smiles, starts waving and waits for me to react with the same sort of smiling and waving (I suppose).  Instead, I look at her completely confused.  'Why does this person seem to know me when I haven't got a clue who she is?' are the thoughts going through my head.  She sees that I don't know who she is so she tries to help me.  She says 'My son is in your daughter's class at school'.  This doesn't help because I have two daughters.  I ask her which daughter?  She says 'Isabelle'.  I'm really confused because not only do I not know who she is, she seems to know me and knows my kid's name.  Obviously she's seen me at school waiting to collect my girls and knows who is in her son's class.  It shows how much attention I pay to other parents at school!  I've been taking my girls to that school for more than 6 years.  This situation has happened a few times over the years.  I don't think I look at people's faces properly is my conclusion (although I'm not aware that I am doing this).  I suppose this is interpreted as disinterested and rude behaviour by other people.  That sort of interpretation is the excuse to progress to bullying in some cases.

In Front of the Chain Link Fence, pen drawing and gouache, A3

Hurry On Sundown

I've named this piece Hurry On Sundown because of the obvious, it is a picture of a sunset.  My other reason is that it is the title of one of my favourite Hawkwind tunes.  I first heard this song when I was 2 or 3 years old after my mum had brought a Hawkwind compilation tape (Road Hawks).  The first tune was Hurry On Sundown followed by Urban Guerrilla.  The contrast between the hippy folk style of Hurry On Sundown and the heavy rock Urban Guerrilla was pretty effective.  The album that Hurry On Sundown first appeared on was Hawkwind's first album (Hawkwind).  There are two versions of this song, the hippy folk one and the psychedelic version later on in the album.  I can't decide which version I like best.

This painting continues a theme of tree sunsets that I have been working on throughout this year.  The earlier piece most closely linked to this painting is my drawing 'The Other Tree Sunset'. 

Hurry On Sundown, 120x106cm oil painting on board

The Other Tree Sunset, carbon pencil and coloured pencil drawing, A3